Blog posts that inspire

Elegant Evaluating

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It’s the beginning of a new year and I don’t make new year resolutions but I do begin to evaluate for the upcoming year. I make mental goals and ask myself questions….

photo credit Ilyas Bolato 

1) How is my health? Am I exercising enough? Have I been consistent? 


2)  How are my eating habits? Am I getting enough sleep? Do I drink enough water?


3) Am I happy with my wardrobe? 


4) Where am I with my faith? 


5) Do I need to change my career goals? 






photo credit Alyssa Hurley 
6) How is my daughter doing? Does she have what she needs? Do I pay attention to her enough? Is she afraid to tell me things?




photo credit Pinterest 

And honestly, I can go on and on. Here is the thing. I am constantly evaluating. Not just at the beginning of the year but on a monthly basis. I am constantly asking myself questions. 


But honestly doing this keeps me honest with myself. I recently went on a “purging spree”. I got rid of a lot of clothes in my closet that just wasn’t fitting well. I start saying to myself, ” Are you really going to wear that. Let’s just be honest here”. With me having that conversation with myself I was able to let go of some of the pieces that needed to go. I will donate most of it to Goodwill, some will go to Poshmark and I did take a few pieces to my seamstress Mrs. Sunny. There were 3 dresses that I just LOVED but the top part was too loose. So I asked her to turn those pieces into skirts. I pick them up later this week. Fingers crossed!
photo credit Mrs. Shockley 



I also began to talk with myself about “bogus shopping“! It’s a quote that I came up with when I began to purge some of the clothes, shoes and purses that I kept. Some of the items that I purchased were apart of bogus shopping. I purchased it because it was on sale, or I felt like I “needed” to buy something because I hadn’t made a purchase in a while (maybe like a week), just stupid spending. That could have been a lot of money that I could have saved. Even today I was at HomeGoods looking at all of the Christmas ornaments on sale. I began to say to myself, don’t start “bogus shopping“! Buy only what you love, and I did. I am very happy with my purchases. 

photo credit Mrs. Shockley 


Then last week I did a “home purge”. There were a lot of things taking up space in closets, pantries, and cabinets. It was a lot of home decor that I didn’t need. So I bagged all of it up and will donate it this week. I now have a lot more room in my cabinets. I only want the items that I use. I will also begin an “office purge” this week. I need to get rid of the items in my office too.



I have also been thinking about making appointments and seeing specialists this year. I have made an appointment with my doctor to review my cholesterol and other levels. I am also having issues with my legs. I had my daughter take a photo of the back of my leg and I have a few varicose veins. Oh no! So I made an appointment about that. I heard that natural witch hazel could help with those. So I purchased a bottle and I have been seeing results! Fingers crossed!

I have also made this a year to have my first professional facial. I have never had one, shocking I know. So that is on my list too! I look forward to making some changes and to see where some of my new decisions will take me. I hope that this inspires you too!


The Civil Life

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photo credit Aerin Lauder Instagram


Sorry for the no post on Monday. I have been so busy here at home trying to get ready for the holidays. Last night I decided to wrap presents. Apparently, you use different muscles when you wrap presents. I am so sore from it! It is the strangest thing.

So in November, I mentioned some books that I was interested in reading. I did order the Inviting Life and the second book that I ordered is the Civility Solution; What to do When People Are Rude and I must admit I have NOT been able to put it down.

In the opening part of the book, the author P.M. Forni (who just passed away on December 1), starts with this….
“Rudeness may be everybody’s everyday problem, but millions remain unprepared for their encounters with it. This book aims to help you find exactly what rudeness is and how it works. Most important, you will learn how to defend yourself effectively and civilly from its daily challenges. Being civil is a sterling strategy for rudeness prevention. If you are respectful and considerate, most of the people with whom you come in contact will be motivated to be the same in return. When rudeness can’t be prevented, civility is still your best choice, as the stories that follow over and over again….. 

Mr. Forni then goes into a story from his life. He talked about how on some airplanes there is a sign giving a suggestion, not a regulation on being a courtesy. The key words are “as a courtesy” and “we suggest”- nothing more than a gentle prodding. But why should we clean out a basin that a perfect stranger will use next? Why spend time and energy on something that does not benefit us directly? Because it is the right thing to do. Being courteous to the next passenger is its own reward, the sole incentive. A remarkable notion!  


I know that I never leave a sink without wiping it down before I leave. It’s common courtesy and it shows that you are neat and care about order.

photo credit Brigitte Tohm 

I am still in the first chapter of the book but it is so wonderful. I am especially loving the section called “Unfocused Rudeness”. I experienced that this weekend when my daughter and I attended the Nutcracker Ballet. People were still on their cell phones during some of the show and showing up 40 minutes after it started!!! Come on people, really! 

This book has been such a pleasure to read. I also wanted to share some of the chapters that Mr. Forni discusses. 

Look at some of these chapters…. Your Spouse takes Your Housework for Granted (oh my), Your Mother in Law Criticizes You, Your Child Talks Back to You… 

The New Neighbors are Noisy, Your Boss Reprimands You in Public, Your Colleague in the Next Cubicle is Noisy (yep been there)…. 

A Supervisor is being Unfair, Another Driver is Tailgating You (not everyone at once), and my friend got a kick out of this chapter, “The Infamous Finger Makes an Appearance“. There are more great chapters but I didn’t want to keep going. I just had to share this book with everyone. I got a pretty good feeling that this one will be one of the “great ones” for me. I hope you enjoy it!
(photos via Mrs. Shockley)

Radiate Calm

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This past May I shared a book that I was reading called Treating People Well and in that post I talked about the Power of Charm and how to present yourself at parties and in small groups. That section of the book provided great pointers on how to mingle properly.

Today I want to share their chapter called “Radiate Calm”. When I read the title was intrigued and curious but this happened to be one of the best chapters that I have read so far!

This chapter starts off with a wonderful quote on how to “radiate calm”. It said….

“Staying calm is assertive. When you remain serene, you’re communicating that you have the situation under control and there’s nothing to worry about…… It’s tempting to fly off the handle in a confrontational moment, but far more valuable to bring goodwill and order back to an unraveling situation. Maintaining a sense of equanimity even when matters are tense disarms antagonists, builds trust, and forces everyone involved to focus on the problem logically rather than emotionally, allowing for better and quicker resolutions”. 





Photo by Carmine Furletti on Unsplash

WOW, I had to underline that in the book! I keep going back to it trying to remind myself to radiate calm. I even put some of the words in my day designer as reminders throughout the day. 



Lea and Jeremy provided four ways to radiate calm under any circumstance. 1) Stay composed, 2) Avoid drama, 3) Find common ground and 4) Maintain perspective. 




Photo by Johanne Kristensen on Unsplash


Lea stated, “acting with cool precision can help you appear powerful and in control, even if you might be rolling on the inside”……





In the avoid drama section they mentioned, “don’t get angry; get things done” and this wonderful quote which I keep telling myself, “rising calmly above”. I ADORE this quote! I have written it down several times already. And this wonderful thought still holds true, ” we learned to turn the other cheek at rude behavior”. Even though I believe that there is a time to address rude people and then there is a time not to. When it comes to family and close friends, okay to address the rude behavior. When it comes to someone driving next to me or a person that I know that I am not going to see for the rest of my life, I simply turn my cheek to their rude behavior. 



photo credit Karolina Bobek

“Often it isn’t important to know why someone is behaving in a certain way; what matters is how you respond”. I remember my mentor telling me that sometimes you have to think about why someone is acting a certain way and in most cases, it has nothing to do with you. 


And always keep this in mind drama begets drama. This is soooo true! I know we have all heard of the old saying, “misery loves company”. Well so does drama!  Drama filled people attract who they are. So stay clear of them. 


Other issues discussed were: recognizing hot buttons. If someone likes stirring the pot and can’t respect opinions that differ from his own, think carefully about including him in gatherings with people of varied views. Don’t escalate: take what people are saying at face value and act on the facts you know, not the emotions you may feel. Temper your tone: there will probably be a few times when you wish you had voice your anger more forcefully, but more often we wish we’d said less. Find common ground: don’t shy away from becoming an intermediary between two parties in conflict if you can help them arrive at a resolution. You may feel trapped at first, but remember that if you treat both sides with equal respect and honesty and have an investment in the outcome, this is a position of influence. 



I have so many highlighted sections in this chapter. It really hit home for me as I have been dealing with co-worker pettiness (read my post here about that), disrespectful family members and trying to navigate a hormonal teenager. I normally repeat in my mind this saying from Pastor Charles Stanley, “maintain quiet spirit”. Now I can add “radiate calm” and “calmly rise above it”. I hope that you enjoyed these tips from the book and as I proceed on I will share anything else that I believe will add a dose of elegance to our lives. 


Enjoy!
(photo via Pinterest)

(tips: Authors Lea Berman and Jeremy Bernard) 


Faux Pas to Avoid at Work

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Here is another great list of etiquette rules from expert Myka Meier. In this list she discusses office etiquette. Myka says, “Having good etiquette at work mostly simply means to be considerate and respectful of everyone around you”.


If you have a door, close it if you take personal calls. If you don’t have a door or are in an open-plan space, keep private calls short by saying you’ll call the person back on your next break, or walk to an area that is more conducive to personal calls like a lounge area or even outside. If you work in an open office space and professional phone calls distract you, remember that it’s probably not the person’s intention to bother you. Try to be understanding of the situation and keep a good pair of headphones nearby.
Keep your computer and phone muted or on silent so that every time you get an email or message it does not alert everyone on your floor.
Do not use a conference room to take long personal calls or treat it as your personal office. Squatting is for the gym—not the workplace.
In addition to doing your part to keep the bathroom clean, do not use the restroom to socialize, whether you need to call your mom or catch up on the latest office news. It’s called water cooler chat for a reason.
photo credit This is Glamorous
If you’re in a meeting, give your undivided attention to the person speaking. If you must send off a quick note or check something on your phone or computer, keep it short and sweet.
Unless everyone is in on the joke, keep loud conversation to a minimum. There might be a distraction but you don’t want to become one.
While eating lunch away from our desks is a luxury these days, remember those sitting around you. Try to avoid foods that splatter or slurp or have a lingering smell in a shared office space. As much as you may love steamed fish, the rest of your team will probably won’t.
You might love your gardenia-bomb perfume, but the office is a place to keep scent subtle. If you choose to put on fragrance, remember it’s meant to go on pulse points only and not clothing—it can permeate the whole room.
(I have to be so careful with this, I love a wallflower in my office but I can’t leave it in. Not everyone will appreciate smelling apple all day). 
To read the rest of Myka’s list visit the website here. I also wrote about office faux’s. You may visit them here and here. Enjoy!!!!
(photos via Pinterest)

Etiquette Lessons Every Child Should Know

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I thought that this was an interesting article. Etiquette expert Myka Meier shares her tips with Town and Country on 20 etiquette lesson that every child should know. I wanted to share those tips with you and my daughter.

1. The true meaning of etiquette is always to show respect and kindness to everyone around you. 

2. Use please, thank you and excuse me everyday.  (I wish more parents taught this, it’s incredible how rude teenagers are!) 

3. How to hold your silverware correctly. 



4. How to properly use a napkin to wipe your mouth. (No sleeves!)


5. How to chew with your mouth closed.
6. No elbows on the table……ever!

7. Never interrupt an adult when they are speaking to someone else. (some adults should know this!)

8. Never comment on someone’s appearance unless it’s to say something nice.

9. How to give a compliment to someone else.

10. How to write a thank you letter. 
I hope that you enjoyed these tips from Myka. If you wish to read the original article and see the rest of the list you may see it here. I love having these tips. It’s a great review even for yourself. 

(photos via Pinterest)

13 Beautiful Virtues to Live By

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Earlier last week I was reading another blog and she was discussing the “13 Virtues” of Benjamin Franklin. Apparently, he wrote these in 1726 when he was only 20 years old. These would be the principles that Mr. Franklin would adhere to and aid him in his path.

I was extremely impressed with these virtues and wanted to share them with anyone else who had no idea they existed.

1) Temperance– Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation

2) Silence- Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself ; avoid trifling conversation

3) Order– Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time

4) Resolution– Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve

5) Frugality- Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing
6) Industry– Lose no time; be always employ’d in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions

7) Sincerity- Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly

8) Justice- Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty

9) Moderation- Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve

10) Cleanliness- Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths or habitation  (wow!!!!)

11) Tranquility- Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable
12) Chastity- Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness,weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation 

13) Humility- Imitate Jesus and Socrates
I thought this was a wonderful list and just had to share it. These are beautiful beliefs to have in your mind when living and I thank Mr. Franklin for sharing these with us. 
(photos via Pinterest)

Retro Customs Worth Reviving

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I love lists about beautiful things. I recently stumbled on this list from Veranda called 25 Things That Should Have Never Gone Out of Style.

It is a wonderful list if you enjoy manners, dignity and wholesomeness. I wanted to share some of my favorite things from this list.

1) Handwritten notes: 
YES! I talked about this on the blog back in 2015. See it here if you missed it.

2) Recipe cards: 
Having grandmas vintage recipe cards are keepsakes

3) Modesty:
REALLY, we do need it!

4) Dressing up:
Again, we do need it! There is nothing more satisfying to me than seeing someone dress to the nines and enjoying it.

5) Baby Books:
I have one for my daughter and she enjoys looking in it all the time. She finds it rewarding to know that I care enough to “keep up” with her life. I still take a photo of her on her first day of school and put it in our photo album. I want her to enjoy these for years to come.

6) Memorizing Phone Numbers:
I grew up in an age where cell phones were a luxury! We had pagers and that was pushing it but I remember every number that was on my pager.

7) Saying “Sir or Ma’am”:
I still say this and we teach our children to do the same.

8) Privacy:
It can been tough trying to find the balance between sharing and keeping things private. But there are some things that you should keep behind closed doors and it should be common sense. But it is not anymore. See my blog post here, here, and here about keeping your life a mystery.

9) Printed photos:
I can’t stress the act of keeping memories enough. I love looking at old photos in albums. I even print off my blog post and keep them in binders. Who knows maybe one day the computers will crash and I won’t have my blog anymore. I want to be able to look back on this and smile and I want my grandchildren to see what I enjoy and be in my world for a moment.

10) Curves:
I have them and honestly who doesn’t?

11) Calling someone:
My husband is very adamant about this. He would rather pick up the phone than text.

12) Doing math in your head:
Yeah, I have seen some young people who were my cashiers and couldn’t do basic math in their head. It was really sad….

13) Knowing your neighbors by name:
Okay, this one I struggle a little with. We HAD some neighbors (they have since move out of the neighborhood). Our daughter’s played together then I let our daughter go over for a sleepover. It took me awhile to let her do this but I did. This mother was such a trouble maker on Facebook (I was “friends” with her) that I knew it was going to be a bad idea. She asked my daughter, “if I was really like that”? I was completely “floored” by this but not surprised. She asked my husband some questions in the past so I knew that she was trying to find dirt on us. Since she was reading my blog and on my page she saw what I posted and just thought I was fake. But the joke was on her, we ended up finding out that they were lying to everyone and telling people that they bought the house that they were in but it turns out they were renting and things just weren’t what they seem.  They have since moved and built in a neighborhood near us (going with our builder I might add) and I heard that she painted her house the same color as mine. Now who is not who they seem? Looks like I am the leader and she is the follower.

I have blocked her from my personal Facebook page and will continue to block her from all my social media outlets. She also stole a photo from my blog about some dinning room table ideas and presented it on her page as her own but what she didn’t realize was that one of those photos belong to my friend so I knew that she stole it. She probably still sneaks on here and reads my blog but I try to not let stupid people like that ruin the opportunity for me to meet the other neighbors around us.

14) Paper Address Books:
They are useful just in case that phone shuts down.

15) Teaching Cursive:
This is a beautiful technique to have with you. There was someone whom I met recently that was surprised that I could write in cursive and said that they didn’t learn that in school. How tragic? How do you sign your credit card slips? I wrote about cursive writing back in 2014 see it here.

16) Keeping a Diary:
I think this is a wonderful way to release some emotions and concerns. It is also a way to keep a record of victories and loses. I wrote about it last year see here if you missed it.

17) Drive in Moves:
I loved this as a kid and may have to consider trying this again….

18) Saying Please and Thank You:
There is no question for this. It’s unbelievable to me how rude people really are….

19) Going visiting and having Sunday dinners:
We still have dinners every night as a family.

20) Not using Bad words:
There is nothing more classless then hearing a woman curse on the phone. I try to never use any of these words in private or in public.

21) Table Manners:
Yes, phones have made a mess of things if you ask me. Read my blog post here about that.

22) Hats:
I love seeing the old photos when hats and gloves were worn.

23) Having a real LIVE conversation:
It’s nice to take some time and talk with people. I sometimes start a conversation with someone on the elevator just because I know that they are going to pull out that phone.



and last but certainly not least,

24) Holding the door for someone:
I do this always but I LOVE seeing men do it. I hope shivery isn’t dead.

Well, I hope that you enjoy this list just as much as I did and read the original article from Veranda. They always have the best information on their website.





(photos via Pinterest, list via Veranda.com)