Thoughts on my Youth
For me, I married young and had our daughter at age 22. At that age, most people are still in college and still have some sort of freedom. When I moved out of my mother’s home at age 19 I had only lived in my apartment for about 6 months before my husband and I started dating.
He already had been married and had two children. They were 6 and 3 at the time. About 9 months later he asked me to marry him. Now I will be honest, I did not want to at the time. I thought why in the world would I do this. I was still young and still had my own dreams and goals.
But I did and here we are 16 years later. The boys are gone and our daughter will be starting her sophomore year in high school this coming fall. I heard a quote recently from Beyonce that made me sit and ponder for a few days (see the interview here). She said, “Make sure that you have your own life before you become someone’s wife”.
How do you guys feel about that comment? Never mind who said it… but what do you think about it? It for one moment made me think, did I do that? Did I have my own life? And the truth is… I didn’t.
Now please hear my heart I am not mad at my husband nor do I regret where we are today. But as I think back I wish I had someone back then telling me to explore the world, take chances, and take risks!
My heart still craves adventure and for taking chances but now since I am almost 40 everything has to be a calculated step because it will affect my family, not just me.
Now that I have almost finished my “motherly duties” and once my daughter is settled in her college life then maybe the Lord will allow me some “adventure time”. I want to do things in his will so maybe the early marriage and early motherhood was the purpose he had for me.
There is something grand about being finished early in life. A lot of my co-workers who are in the late ’30s and early ’40s have very young children. They are tired constantly and have had to give up things now instead of early on. One of my co-workers who is the same age as me has a 1-year-old. Prior to his arrival, she had an extra bedroom that was her entire closet!
At the same time, I was getting those new closet cabinets I came into the office so excited, and then she shared how she had to change her closet into a nursery for the baby. I felt bad immediately. But then I realized we made different choices in life. She studied abroad, lived in Japan, and went on trips. While she was doing all of that, I was at home with a newborn and two step-sons. But now I see that we are about to flop lives and that is okay.
So I will say this. I am learning that the Lord has a different plan for each of us. I still don’t understand why my plan turned out this way but I am hopeful that I will know in the end. I do know this. I am telling my daughter that she does not have to marry early and have kids. “Have your own life before you become someone’s wife”. Go out and see the world, enjoy it!
What are your thoughts?
