Etiquette for Life- Q & A with Dr. Minju Witte
Good Morning Friends!
It is cold as can be here. It got into the low teens, and I have pulled out my winter boots! I don’t know about you, but I am pooped! I am finishing up the last things on my Christmas to-do list and gearing up for 4 holiday luncheons. With all of this in mind I began to think about people. The holidays can be the worse times to deal with people because they are everywhere around this time of the year. Because of this I decided to look for an etiquette coach earlier this year to give me a little guidance.
I ended up finding a coach that was located here in Indianapolis! Her name was Dr. Minju Witte, and I thought I would take a chance and reach out to see if she would have a Zoom meeting with me and she did. We ended up talking about so many things and at that point I realized that I was making a friend. Minju was so kind, soft spoken, and real! She was honest and real about life and her answers to etiquette.
I then asked if she would come and speak at my office for our Women’s Leadership Initiative group and she agreed! I was thrilled. My office enjoyed her presentation so much that they requested she come back and do a second presentation! Of course, I will be booking that soon, but I could not stop there! I then asked if she would be willing to do a Q & A here on the blog and of course she agreed! I posted a question on my Instagram stories asking my followers if they could ask an etiquette coach whatever they wanted what would they ask? The best questions came in and I am sharing Minju’s answers! I hope that you enjoy these, save them, and use them.
1. How do you respond to envy because you are classy?
One of the key traits I value in friendships is the ability to feel genuinely happy for others. Envy often stems from insecurity, but the elegant approach is to channel that energy into inspiration rather than negativity. When faced with envy, maintain your grace and don’t allow toxic energy to disrupt your peace. A true sense of class lies in staying centered and compassionate, even in the face of such challenges.
2. What are five books you would recommend for learning elegance?
Instead of focusing solely on “how-to” books on elegance, I believe true elegance is cultivated by observing and appreciating beauty in daily life—whether through art, films, travel, or even the unexpected details like a striking color combination in a shop window. Elegance is a mindset of curiosity and attentiveness.
Here are five books that inspire an elegant approach to life:
- Christian Dior: Designer of Dreams – A stunning exploration of Dior’s artistry and vision.
- La Seduction: How the French Play the Game of Life by Elaine Sciolino – A cultural guide to the French way of life.
- Emily Post’s Etiquette, The Centennial Edition – A timeless classic on social grace and modern etiquette.
- At Home with Madame Chic: Becoming a Connoisseur of Daily Life by Jennifer L. Scott – A celebration of daily elegance.
- Mind Your Manners: How to Be Your Best Self in Any Situation by Sara Jane Ho – A practical guide to cultivating poise.
photo credit: Mrs. Shockley
This is Dr. Minju Witte at my office doing a presentation called “Civility in the Workplace” in September of this year!
3. How do you stay elegant amidst life’s chaos, especially without elegant role models?
Elegance is about embracing the beauty of everyday life, even in the midst of chaos. Romanticize your routine—savor that morning tea, wear something lovely at home just for yourself, or take pride in small rituals that bring you joy.
Our social media-driven world often ties value to external validation, but true elegance starts with celebrating yourself, for yourself. Dress well because it uplifts your spirit, not because others might notice. Elegance is a deeply personal journey of finding joy in simplicity and cultivating grace within, no matter the circumstances.
4. How do you resist the urge to be overly blunt when expressing opinions?
Before expressing your opinion, ask yourself: Is it true, helpful, inspiring, necessary, and kind? This filter ensures your words have purpose and elegance.
If you’re addressing disrespect or asserting boundaries, approach with honesty that is firm yet benevolent. As an etiquette trainer, I coach clients on how to communicate with “benevolent honesty,” balancing assertiveness with kindness. Remember, elegance isn’t about avoiding conflict; it’s about addressing it thoughtfully and with integrity.
5. No elbows on the table? What gives?
Etiquette depends on context. If you’re dining casually with friends or family and there’s no food in front of you, resting elbows can be fine. However, in formal settings or cultures like France or England, keeping elbows off the table entirely reflects respect and awareness of tradition.
The key is to be a social chameleon—adapting to your surroundings with ease and grace.
6. What steps should one take to avoid or handle toxic women at the office?
It’s natural to encounter colleagues you wouldn’t choose as friends, but professionalism requires navigating these relationships with tact. Good etiquette doesn’t mean being overly nice or allowing boundaries to be crossed. Instead, it’s a tool for maintaining composure, objectivity, and strong boundaries.
Seek support outside of work—through an etiquette coach or other resources—to strengthen your strategies for dealing with toxicity. Remember, toxic behavior says more about the other person’s struggles than about you. Stay focused on your goals and protect your energy.
7. How should one handle hearing others gossip about them?
Let them. Protecting your peace and joy is far more important than attempting to control others’ opinions. Gossip reflects more about the gossiper than it does about you.
Instead, focus on the truth of your own life. Do you respect and love how you’re living? If not, make the changes you need to find joy. Cultivate friendships rooted in trust and mutual respect and let the noise of gossip fade into the background. Truth always prevails, and the only narrative that truly matters is the one you create for yourself.
Photo credit: A. Bryan
Dr. Witte and I at my office presentation in September of this year.
WOW! Just what I needed to read today. I enjoyed this very much Mrs. Shockley. Everything she stated was outstanding. I really appreciate the part about toxic coworkers “Good etiquette doesn’t mean being overly nice or allowing boundaries to be crossed. Instead, it’s a tool for maintaining composure, objectivity, and strong boundaries.” I’m back in the office full time coming from being home 4.5 years. It’s such a major adjustment. I’m trying my best to navigate these choppy waters. I’m surrounded by people that I honestly rather not even know. I prefer to work at home. That’s not an option right now and I’ve been suffering at work. I’m grateful to know that etiquette is a tool. It dawned on me like any tool you must learn how to use it properly. For me good etiquette is something I thought I had, but I do not. I’ll be working on this so I can master it. I may not get my ideal work from home position so I have to manage myself where I am. What a fabulous interview. I loved it and need more❤
I am so glad that this helped you! Trust me I printed this out and have it on my desk to look at daily. I found these tips so helpful and insightful. I need as much help and really appreciate Dr. Witte sharing these.